There you are, fifty-something-years old, recently single, recovering from whatever shock happening put you in this position, and you decide it’s time for a change. Time you got out there and did something different. Time you met that special someone to make your life complete. You cast your mind back to the last time you went on a date. That would be with your recently divorced/deceased spouse. How old were you then? Twenty-one? Eighteen? Whatever age it was, the chances are it’s been a long time since you went on a date. Perhaps as long as thirty years for some of us. Things have changed. Dating for the over 50 is a little different to dating in your teens. Unless you are of a particularly adventurous nature, chances are that some of the things you might have done on a first date the last time you were dating are unlikely to work this time. For a start, the local Roller blading rink has probably been torn down and replaced with a shopping mall. Not only that, but the things your potential partner are looking for in a first date have probably changed too. So let’s look at some of the things that will definitely have changed: You are older. That may sound incredibly obvious, but this is important to remember. You are not an eighteen-year-old stud/cheerleader any more. That doesn’t mean you can’t still impress the ladies/guys, but pulling up outside her house on a ratty dirt bike with no muffler, wearing a ripped leather jacket is unlikely to have the same bad-boy appeal it had when you were seventeen. AIDS. Last time you were out there, this probably wasn’t an issue. Make no mistake, this is now a serious problem. Not just for the homosexual/promiscuous/junkie population. It’s a problem and a real risk for everyone, regardless of age, sex, race, or religion. Catching AIDS is just like they used to warn young girls about getting pregnant. It only takes one time. Be careful. Use protection. It’s no good pretending otherwise, at least one of the reasons to go on a date is in the hope that you will have sex. Your date now has a history. He/she has probably been married, more than once possibly, he/she probably has children and responsibilities and commitments that are nothing to do with you. This needs adjusting to.
When his ex-wife phones during your romantic meal it isn’t about you, it’s about him and his past relationship. It’s nothing personal. And it’s not your fault. Same thing when her ex-husband turns up to collect their joint children and looks upset that you are staying in what was once his house, sleeping with what was once his wife. It’s nothing personal aimed at you. The only sensible way to deal with the intrusion of the past is to talk about it. Don’t let it get you down and don’t take it personally. If the ex is intruding at unreasonable times, say so. Sit down, discuss the situation and come to an amicable arrangement. Whether you like it or not, you’re a grown up now. You have baggage.
There is always a temptation to recreate with a new partner, whatever it was you had that was good with your previous partner.
Resistance in this case is NOT futile. This is a new person, you are a new person. Behave accordingly and allow a new relationship to bloom. You never know, it might be fun, and you might like it. Try and leave the baggage at the train station. Some things have not changed; we all need someone in our lives and just because you are over fifty, doesn’t make you any different from anyone else. So take a deep breath, pick up the phone or sign up for an online dating service and get yourself a date.
