Tips for Gays and Lesbians Online Dating

Finding the right gays/ lesbians dating site

There are several online dating sites offering chances for lesbian or gay singles to find the perfect match. Some sites only cater to gays and lesbians, while others cater to people of all orientations. There are advantages and disadvantages to each.

Sites that only serve gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgendered people may be a safer option for you if you’re not out yet; it’s less likely that someone who doesn’t know your orientation will find you there by accident. Additionally, the number of potential matches may be higher when the site caters specifically to your interests and needs. Finally, sites that specialize in gay and lesbian dating make it easier to avoid people not of your preferred gender who may be aggressive about pursuing a date with you anyway. Lesbians in particular may face this problem on sites that also cater to heterosexuals.

The big mainstream dating sites such as Match.com and Chemistry.com are worth checking out for gay and lesbian dating, but the selection of potential matches may be smaller. However, because they’ve developed such good tools to help you write your profile, sometimes it makes sense to develop your dating profile on these broader sites and then adapt it for use on the exclusively gay and lesbian site of your choice.

Writing your profile

Writing your profile is probably the hardest part of online dating. Much of the advice out there for writing a profile is universal: Be honest. Be funny. Spell check. It’s simple advice, but that simplicity can be deceiving.

Gays and lesbians looking to date online should have a clear idea of what they want without limiting themselves so much that they induce failure. You may have a preference for black hair and blue eyes, but is a redhead really a deal breaker? And while your obscure hobby may be important to you, is it something you expect a potential date or mate to share so much that you have to mention it in your profile?

It’s best to spend some time looking at other gay and lesbian dating profiles to get some idea of what to do and what not to do. Also, don’t be afraid to enlist friends to help you.

Do be honest. Don’t lie about your height. Don’t lie about your body type. Don’t lie about your education or career. Do mention how out you are and don’t use phrases that are gay and lesbian negative such as “straight acting.”

A lack of honesty will only lead to disappointment when you meet a potential match face to face. It also can imply that you are insecure and may have trust issues. If there is chemistry, early fibs in your profile can be a warning sign that works against you. When dating online, you want someone to choose you for who you are, not for who you wish you were.

Choosing your picture

No matter what the gay and lesbian dating site you choose says, posting a picture is not optional. Without a picture you’re not going to get quality responses. And it’s not just because people are superficial. (Which is just fine. Don’t forget you want to find the person you date attractive as well.) Photos can tell you a lot about someone, from personal style to self-confidence, which means choosing the right photo for your dating profile is critical.

First, don’t use a photo more than a couple of years old. The same hair color and length is probably in your best interest. If you usually wear glasses, wear glasses in your photo. Among other things, remember that this photo will help you identify your date should you choose to meet in person.

Second, remember that this photo is all about you. Don’t post something with a busy or distracting background or a lot of glare. A photo of you doing something you love or at a special event is fine, but make sure you are the center of attention in the image, which absolutely shouldn’t contain other people.

Finally, choose your photo with intent. If you’re looking for more than a casual hook-up or summer fling, don’t post a photo in a skimpy outfit or a suggestive pose. Flirtatious is fine, but overtly sexual may not be the right route if you’re looking for a romantic relationship.

Searching and planning

Don’t just wait for people to come to you on a gay and lesbian dating site. If you see someone you’re interested in, let them know what you enjoyed about their profile and invite them to check out yours. Don’t barrage your potential match with questions, but make sure you ask one or two in hopes of opening a dialog. Then, if you have a good rapport, you can suggest speaking on the phone or even meeting face to face.

Remember that dating can be hard work, and serendipity can play a big part. You may have to go on several dates a week for some time to find the right person for you, or you may get lucky and meet the right person for you at the beginning of your quest. Don’t get discouraged. If one gay and lesbian dating site isn’t working for you, don’t hesitate to try another. After all, you can’t find the right match without the right matchmaker.